my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting
i don’t say that. “hot” would imply it’s been in the toaster for more than fifteen seconds lol
“your lightly warmed bread is done” i tell u
one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”
“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me
the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that this counts as the most successful military maneuver of all time: they incurred NEGATIVE CASULTIES
“Just give it to me straight-how many did we lose?”
Guys. Guys. Calculating tips. Just. Look at your bill. And move the decimal point one step left. That’s ten percent. Double that number. Now it’s twenty percent.
$100.00 bill? $10.000. Ten dollars. Double it. Twenty dollars. That’s a 20% tip.
$67.50? Now it’s $6.750. $6.75? Might as well be $7. Double it. Roughly $14. You’re not going to miss the change.
